What follows is a short compendium of scams, grifts, cons, and general recommendations for the perpetration of blatant thievery, all centered around the exploitable playground that is the University. Yet this isn’t a guide just for college students. On the contrary, the majority of the tactics described herein are intended to be put at the disposal of anyone who sets foot on a university campus, particularly if it’s for the express purpose of defraudment. One doesn’t even have to be the exact ‘college’ age, as extended learning programs are becoming all the more common (though naturally blending in will be a touch more difficult). At any rate, certain credibility props such as a backpack can serve to relay the impression that you are indeed a student at the particular college you plan to hit.

Those expecting newsworthy swindles akin to those seen in movies or sensationalist news reports will likely be disappointed. The cons that follow aren’t grandiose grifts about how to scam free tuition or expropriate scholarship funds. Rather, these are practical, everyday techniques that you can use to score some free grub, get a little extra cash, or procure some free books to read. The methods transcend the colour spectrum of legality, varying from the perfectly above-board activities, to shady gray zones of pseudo-legit operations, all the way down to downright illegalities. Similarly, the cons center around the exploitation of the university system and anyone affiliated with it. Students, professors, and other human gears of the higher education system are thus all
implicated as well. As such, you may find that some of the following methodology may conflict with your delicate ethical palate. Fear not, the remedy is quite simple: f**k off. If you don’t agree with anything below, don’t do it, and don’t read it. Close your eyes and pretend it doesn’t exist. I’ve also tried to keep rants about my personal politricks to a minimum, but they inevitably ooze in through the cracks of my mental cogency, so once again, bear with me or glaze over it if you don’t agree with anything.

Finally, realize that I don’t f**king know you (nor do I want to), nor do I know your local
college. All of these techniques will probably not work at your local university, but some likely will. This guide is custom tailored to the university system at large, not to your specific school. Further, realize that scams are inherently malleable, they’re meant to be manipulated to suit your own environment; if you blindly follow what’s written below, you’ll get your comeuppance sooner or later.